What do you guys think of my rap song / lyrics?

If it's written for a particular girl, she'll love it. But as far as lyricism goes, it was too simple. You used the same rhyme scheme throughout the rap. Try to switch it up and use 2 bar rhyming once in a while instead of doing 4 bar rhyming pattern for the whole thing. Also, be more creative with it. Use metaphors to describe your love for her, or describe her beauty and flatter her. It's still sweet, but don't just talk about how crazy you are for her